Intimacy is one thing some people are afraid of. And intimacy doesn’t mean that quickie in the closet or that long steamy night in some guy’s bed – it’s much more than that. Intimacy is that closeness that you feel with someone with whom you truly have a connection. Think about your best friend, for example. She probably knows things about you that you would rather the whole world didn’t know about. This vulnerability and willingness to trust another person is what primarily constitutes intimacy.
It does sound deep and philosophical but it all boils down to simply knowing the person you are with. Here are a few secrets to that intimacy that you may or may not have discovered for yourself:
The only way to truly know is to ask. Find out what he likes and what he doesn’t; what turns him on and what turns him off; what he loves you doing and what he doesn’t particularly like you doing. Know the person you are with and you can use this information to your advantage.
2. Spend time together
Spending time with each other doesn’t mean that you now become joined at the hip. Spending time together could mean doing one of your favorite pastimes (or even his) and actively participating in each other’s lives. It could also mean sitting side by side as you read a magazine. The closeness you share in that moment is what truly matters.
3. Talk it out
Talking out some issues you (or he) may be having could go a long way into bringing you closer. While divorce and separation are popular choices in today’s culture, you can also explore the option of staying. Make the choice to commit and stay in the relationship (as long as it doesn’t threaten your safety). The problems that occur every so often in relationships are the “worse” part of your vows. Work towards the “better” part together and you will have a much stronger bond than you did before.
Nobody wants to be taken for granted. If he has gone out of his way to do something, be thankful – out loud. Let him know you are happy with what he has done. Even if you don’t necessarily like the result, you can still appreciate the effort he has made for you. Saying thank you and acknowledging his actions will bring you that much closer together.
5. Make time
Making time for each other could be as simple as making sure you can spend one hour alone together without distractions. This includes making time for sex. A quickie lacks the intimacy necessary to bring a couple together properly. Make room in your schedule. When your career and responsibilities push your love life aside, you will find yourselves drifting farther and farther apart.
Being selfish is a part of everyday life. You have to think about yourself first before considering others. In a healthy relationship, there is no room for selfishness. This doesn’t mean you cater to your partner’s every whim (because that will be selfishness on his part which really isn’t fair to you). It means considering the other person before you make decisions. Their opinions count in your relationship so you should seek them and they will probably seek yours.
Many people will tell you that love dies out after a while. Many people are wrong. It doesn’t truly die until and unless you let it die. Love doesn’t mean that passionate soppy stuff you see in your favorite soap. Choosing to live with this person and care for them deeply even in spite of their flaws. It means making the conscious choice to stick with this person through thick and thin. It means being willing to spend time with, listen to and spend your life with this person no matter what comes.